I used to feel terrible every time I vacuumed my flat because my Henry Hoover dragged along behind me like a slave. He was perpetually smiling, but I used to wonder if he only smiled because he was afraid of what would happen if he looked sad.
At some point, a Dust Sprite took up residence inside my Henry Hoover. I remember the moment I noticed. I was hoovering the stairs and I happened to glance up at Henry. He winked at me. I knew immediately that a magical little friend had decided to live with Henry for a bit.
For a while, Henry continued to function as he always had. But from the moment of the wink, I knew I had to be careful. I was too scared to change his bag because I didn’t want to upset the Sprite.
On the bright side, dust disappeared from my flat. I don’t mean that after I’d cleaned there was less dust. There was absolutely no dust at all, anywhere. I might have been doing somnambulist vacuuming. Around that time, my neighbours did complain of the noise in the middle of the night, but I was asleep so I thought they were blaming me for something someone else was doing. Now that I think about it, maybe the Sprite possessed me and made me hoover in my sleep.
I asked my guru about it. He said that he would commune with the universe and get back to me. A week later, I knew to call him. The universe was telling me that the answer was ready. My guru is also psychic, so he never calls me. He lets the universe tell me to call him, which makes sense. When I asked him to find out whether my toaster was haunted, I called him back twelve days later to see if he’d forgotten about my request and he got very angry. He said he doesn’t forget anything. How dare I think that. If I didn’t trust him, I could go somewhere else.
I said I was sorry and he charged me double for that consultation.
As for Henry Hoover, my guru said I was correct, that there was a Sprite inside. He said I must trust the Sprite, and that the Sprite would let me know what I had to do. I asked him how I would know, and my guru said I just would. It was comforting to have an answer.
My gut said not to change the bag, so I didn’t. But then one day, as I was cleaning my bedroom, Henry started emitting smoke. This was very troubling, but I had no sign from the Sprite that anything was wrong, so I just kept on sucking up dust. I even looked over to Henry to make sure, and he winked at me again.
The smoke alarm went off, so I turned Henry off and opened all the windows, but then Henry wouldn’t start again. No matter what I did, nothing would make him go. My heart broke. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong, but I’d failed to listen to the Sprite. I was being punished.
Dust is settling on everything, but I’m not allowed to get a new hoover. That would really make the Sprite angry. I think I’m allowed to use a dust cloth, so I sometimes wipe places where the dust really piles up. I can’t risk using a hoover ever again. I’m clearly no good at looking after the needs of Dust Sprites.